Why do we harm our selves by choosing destructive habits? Is it because things like alcohol and drugs have some mysterious power to control us? No. We choose our actions based on our experiences, our habits, and the way we think. If we want to change our destructive behavior we must change; we must learn to choose different solutions to our problems.

“Our liquor was but a symptom. So we had to get down to causes and conditions.” ~William G. Wilson, The Big Book, page 64.

We can simply choose to avoid the substances and experiences that are destructive. I have heard the term “white knuckling it” to describe this solution: it is uncomfortable, difficult, and usually leads back to our destructive behavior as a way to relieve the pain. We must understand that we choose those behaviors because on some level, they work. When we simply stop the behavior without finding a more beneficial alternative, we suffer. Avoidance does not eliminate the underlying thoughts, beliefs, and lack of knowing of alternatives behaviors that drew us to the destructive behavior in the first place.

In this video Sogyal Rinpoche discusses how the mind works to perceive the world around us. As he explains, we must look inward to get to the root of suffering rather than focusing on the external symptoms. We can change to address the causes of our condition, and we can address the real problem we were trying to fix with our destructive behavior.

“All men’s miseries derive from not being able to sit in a quiet room alone.” ~Blaise Pascal

To explain some of the terms used in this video for the non-Buddhists: “Samsara” refers to a general state of overt or subtle sufferings that occur in day to day life. “Nirvana” is the state of being free from that suffering.

Thank you to Darren Littlejohn, The 12-Step Buddhist, for acquainting me with Sogyal Rinpoche’s videos.

I am often asked if Buddhists pray, and if so, to whom. In this short video Sogyal Rinpoche explains the role of prayer in Tibetan Buddhism, and how it relates to, and differs from, the western religious understanding of prayer.

Rational thinking presents a vivid contrast to its illogical opposite: It is based on reality – it emphasizes seeing things as they really are, keeping negative events in perspective, tolerating frustration and discomfort, preferring rather than demanding, and self-acceptance. This way of thinking helps you achieve your goals and purposes; It creates emotions you can handle; and It helps you behave in ways which promote your aims and survival.

I’m not talking about so-called “positive thinking”. Rational thinking is realistic thinking. It is concerned with facts – the real world – rather than subjective opinion or wishful thinking.

Realistic thinking leads to realistic emotions. Negative feelings aren’t always bad for you. Neither are all positive feelings beneficial. Feeling happy when someone you love has died, for example, may hinder you from grieving properly. Or to be unconcerned in the face of real danger could put your survival at risk. Realistic thinking avoids exaggeration of both kinds – negative and positive.

In Buddhism, the fist step on the Eight Fold Path is “Right View.” This simply means to see and to understand things as they really are. When our view of the world is clouded by irrational though, we impose our interpretation on the world instead of accepting the reality of how it actually exists: this can cause suffering. Right View is the cognitive aspect of wisdom. Right View is not necessarily an intellectual capacity, just as wisdom is not just a matter of intelligence. Instead, Right View is attained, sustained, and enhanced through all capacities of mind. Since our view of the world forms our thoughts and our actions, Right View yields right thoughts and right actions. This is a skill that with practice, we can mastered. By recognizing our irrational beliefs, and  choosing to changing them, we can start to see and accept the world as it exists.

In Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy (REBT) certain core self-defeating and irrational beliefs, which have been clinically observed, are understood as the root of most disturbances in our life.

Below are twelve examples of common irrational beliefs, and contrasting rational thoughts.